Broken Places
His text came in late at night. A simple hello, how are you? However that was the start of the downfall.
I smooth the dress over my body, this is the first time we have seen each other since the agreement. Should not be this nervous. My phone buzzes signaling the arrival of my lyft. Quickly gather my things and head to the waiting car. The short ride seems to take longer then necessary. But as we near his place, my heart quickens. I scold myself for feeling like this, I was the one that suggested this agreement in the first place so why is it still bothering me.
I exit the car, and walk to his apartment, the party is apparent even from a street away. We both are different now. Things are not the same dynamics anymore. However, no matter how much my skin is crawling I put a smile on and strut into the hurricane that is James.
The apartment is packed with people, but they seem to move for me as I make my way to the bar, yes, some liquid courage might help. I smile and nod politely as strangers make eye contact. And there he is, at the top of the stairs with his classic smirk watching me move through his packed house. I smirk right back never breaking eye contact. He makes no motion to move to me so I continue to the bar.
“Well hello there!” Stan greets me. I break into a smile.
“ Hey, how’s it going?!” We hug.
“Things are good, getting ready to head back home, you look great by the way.” He reaches over and take my arm and spins me around.
I laugh, the forest green dress moves around my body, showing off just the right amount of skin. I know that this would catch some stares. And before I make the complete turn, I feel his eyes on me, baring a hole in my back. I dont look towards him.
“ What can I make you?” Stan asks.
“ Well bartender, a lemon drop martini would be perfect right about now, with Titos of course.” I return his welcoming smile.
He gets to work making the martini, I turn and survey the crowd around me. All the Hollywood glamour seems to be out tonight to part ways with these two men as they start their own journeys. How I even thought I could compete with these people is beyond me.
“ One lemon drop martini with Tito for the pretty young thing in the green dress.” Stan hands me the drink, we cheers and I try not to down it in one go.
“So talk to me Taylor, haven’t seen you around in a few weeks” Stan questions as he makes his way around to the front of the bar.
What a few weeks it has been too. Does he know ? Or is this yet another one of his secrets. Before I can speak some other friends come up. They turn to me and introduce themselves, their names escape me. I respond in kind and their faces hault in shock.
“ You are the infamous Taylor? We didn’t think you actually existed” The girl says. Their dresses are designer, make up perfect and just the right amount of jewelry to make them look chic. Classic new age Hollywood types.
I laugh it off, “Yes, I am real.” I reply. They hug me, and pull me into their little group. Friendemies.
“ We have heard passing of you here and there, James does not normally speak of his umm interests often.” They look at each other in a quizzical way. I can feel them judging me but for whatever reason I dont care.
We spend the next hour talking and dancing. Shots are sent around and I down them like the rest. All the while aware that he is there, close but not close enough start a conversation with me. I move my body to the beat, letting those around me drive the intensity. I turn and Stan is behind me, he is just smiling. And pulls me to him. “Seems like someone is enjoying them self now.” I return his smile and nod. We get lost in the music and let our body’s move with the throng of young people that has encircled us. After a few more songs, he pulls me outside. “Forgot how these people can party. But wanted to talk to you before all the alcohol hits.” He motions to the chairs on the porch. We sit, and I wait for the questions to start. A number of them start running through my head as I preemptively try to figure out what to say.
“ So you already know what I am going to ask.” He looks at me serious now.
I nod knowing full well.
“ What happened between you two.” He nods over to James who is now chatting with a blonde with a short dress.
I take a deep breathe, well time to let it out, do it quick and be brave. The summer breeze ruffles my dress, the stars have started to peak out from the cloud cover. The memories of our time together flashes before my eyes. Our story is anything but the perfect Hollywood fairy tale he was always in search of. Dinners dress to the nines, nights spent driving in sports cars, long talks with conversations ranging from comics to Hemingway, to the days we would lock our selves away with caresses too gentle getting lost in the other.
“How long do you wait for someone to let you in. How many text conversations can one have, how many awakwards, hot and cold moments does a person have to take to learn that they were never a priority.” “What happened? I tried to be there for him, tried to move at his pace, but he made it clear that things were not the same as before, that he would never want to go further then the occasional hang outs. I got tired of waiting for him to see that I was not like the others, not like most people in this town, but he could not let it go. So I told him that we should just be friends and let it be at that.” I return my gaze to Stan.
He is looking at me, nodding his head. “ I was afraid of that. He seemed different with you however, as if he was finally healing and moving on.”
“ Well guess not, he hide like I am guessing he has done with those before me, however, unlike them I wont fool myself into thinking he can be changed or will choose me in the end.” I counter.
“ Then why are you here?” He returns.
I feel him before he speaks, his presence has forever left a mark on me.
‘That is no question to ask a lady.” James states. “ She was an invited guest, just like our other friends.”
He bends down and takes me hand, brings it to his lips. “ Apologizes it has taken me this long to welcome you.” His eyes locked on mine as he places a kiss on my hand.
I pull my hand away.
“Stan, may I interrupt for a dance with Taylor?” He doesn’t wait for answer , pulls me to my feet and leads me to the dance floor in the middle of the living room. I look back but Stan is just laughing, raises his glass to me and turns to talk to a few people just arriving.
James pulls me close and we start to dance. His stance is neutral, giving nothing away. I stiffen and let him lead me around the floor. Others around us have started starring. This is out of character for him, he doesn’t dance. The music slows and he pulls me closer.
“So friend, come to the party to make moves on my roommate?” James full attention is on me now. He eyes searching my face for a reaction.
“No why would I do that? I came as a friend to wish you well.” I counter.
He smirks and moves his hand lower down my back. I reach back and move it to its original placement higher up. Making a pointed gaze at him. This isn’t like before, he can not make a comment and think he can make it better with an advance.
He gives me a dark look and brings me closer still. What does he want. We finish the song and I go to move away, but he pulls me back. I give him a questioning look. Trust me he mouths over the now increased volume of music.
For whatever reason I allow him to pull me back in. Let him wrap his arms around me and pretend that nothing has changed, that we are still just two people who found themselves in the other. The music plays, the people move, everything seems to be in a haze. Time passes and yet we keep moving, knowing full well that when the music stops we will part ways and leave things unfinished. The perfect Hollywood fairy tale still lingering in front of us both, always out of reach.